just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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