omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
