new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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