He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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