my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize