I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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