Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
