Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
