The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
