i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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