you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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