he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
