Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
