OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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