epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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