I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
