i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
