in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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