my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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