I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
