Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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