When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
