I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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