im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
