four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
