talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
