last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
