my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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