yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize