it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
