4 words: hood of his car
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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