I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
