Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
