Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
