Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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