fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
In America we eat man semen.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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