Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
