I molested 6 butterflies tonight
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
