Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
