I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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