im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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