Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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