Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize