I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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