Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
