Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
