I feel like abortions should bother me more
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
