More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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