Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
