Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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