you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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