I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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