my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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