nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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