fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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