2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
