What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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