He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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