Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize