It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
