BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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